so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
