awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
