i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
