Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
