do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
did i walk over a car last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
