Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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