I got chris browned last night
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
