I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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