if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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