shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
