you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
