This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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