john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
