At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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