My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
