I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
