I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
