My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
