just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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