So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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