I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
