I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize