hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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