Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize