you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
