Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
