weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
