I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
