Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
