I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
