who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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