I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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