A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
