I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
