peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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