First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
