I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
