My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
