did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
