i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
