Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
