her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
