i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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