Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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