a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
