New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize