Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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