happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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