Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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