Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
