I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize