What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
