All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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