I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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