Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
