Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
