That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
