yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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