Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
