I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
