I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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