I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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