Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think people are normalizing furries
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
