just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
