So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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