I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
