no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
