You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
