Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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