can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
