On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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