I wish my penis had an off switch
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
