after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
