yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
