I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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