I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
